Tuesday, December 25, 2012

National Corruption Institute Of India



The 'C' School


Admissions are open now. Preference to those with criminal background. Politician's relatives get scholarship!!!
 

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National Corruption Institute Of India
( N C I I )
Affiliated To Both Houses Of Indian Parliament
Listed on the World Corruption Index as the World’s Best C-SchoolInvites Applications for 3 Years Undergraduate Bachelors Degree in Corruption. (BDC)
Earn your BDC from the World’s Most Reputed Institute for Corruption Studies
OUR COMPREHENSIVE SYLLABUS INCLUDES:
Financial Theory and Practice
  • Transfer of funds through HAWAALA for creation of MASS GHOTALA
  • FINANCIAL NETWORKING -Movement of money through well engineered networks between State Party Units and Central Party Unit.
  • Solicitation methods to increase donations towards Party Fund.
  • Theory and application of Popular BRIBE concepts and ­methods like ‘Chai Pani’, ‘Parcel’, ‘Change’, ‘Gift Box’ , ‘Color TV’, ‘Foreign Trip’ and the ever popular ‘Children’s School Fees’
  • Real estate Business
  • Learn how to multiply money with no capital
  • fast track buying and selling of Govt/ pvt properties (il) legally. Lasses are taken by Prof Rabit Vadra.
Public Relations (PR) and Media Management
  • Learn how to be MISQUOTED BY THE MEDIA.
  • Learn to say the right things to be QUOTED OUT OF CONTEXT.
  • Excellent training in PARTY SPOKESMANOLOGY .Learn how to argue on TV with other Party people on TV like Professor Manish Tewari and Professor Ravi Shankar Prasad.
  • Develop public gestures like NAMASTE and HAND WAVING.
  • Learn the art of proving all allegations as “BASELESS AND POLITICALLY MOTIVATED”
  • Effectively refute STING OPERATIONS. Advanced course in proving that VIDEO FOOTAGE IS FALSE AND MANIPULATED.
Law and Order Module:

In this module you will learn how to:
  • Commit MURDER and RAPE
  • Bring LOCAL POLICE under your control
  • Get BAIL super fast if you are ever arrested.
  • Apply and get speedy ANTICIPATORY BAIL so you don’t get arrested in the first place!
  • FIGHT ELECTIONS FROM JAIL! Special lectures in this chapter by visiting Professors Shahbuddin and Pappu Yadav!
Advanced Riotology
  • Methods to build your own storage houses for HOCKEY STICKS AND WEAPONS to engineer riots.
  • Identify and develop your own fuel depots for easy and widespread dispersal of RIOT FRIENDLY PETROL TANKERS
  • Form effective partnerships with local liquor stores for easy procurement of ‘DESI DARU’ to get rioters high and ensure awesome rioting!
  • Full study in CONTEMPORARY BUS BURNING. New age exciting methods for INSTANTANEOUS BUS COMBUSTION.
  • Introductory Kashmir method of inciting riots through STONE THROWING.
  • Actual rioting demonstrations under the expert tutelage of Professor Pravin Togadia.
Gain Extensive Knowledge From Our Faculty Of
World class Professors.
Special Courses In:
  • "2G SPECTRUM – A Telecommunications Perspective" By Professor Andimuthu Raja
  • ''Flat Taking From Army Jawan'' By Professor Ashok Chavan
  • ''The Correct Standard of Clean'' By Professor Lalit Bhanot
  • ''Sports Medal or No Medal, In Corruption Always Get Gold Medal'' By Professor Suresh Kalmadi
  • "Application of Corruption on Non Human Species – Stealing Money for Cattle Fodder" By Professor Laloo Prasad Yadav
  • "Building A Corridor For The Taj Mahal Can Cost More Money That Building The Taj Mahal Itself" By Professor Mayawati Kumari.
  • How to attract vote bank from neighboring countries and provide immediate citizenship and voter ids and still remain "sakular". by professor R Vinchi
  • Systematic destruction of a country by extensive loot and investing in Swiss banks by Professor from Cambridge A Maino
  • How to change your name to deceive people and keep hidden nationality. by professor A Maino
...And Many Many More..!!
SO FORGET ALL B-SCHOOLS, BE COOL JOIN
THE C-SCHOOL...
&
NCII IS THE BEST.
 


 

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